Rules for a Long Distance Relationship – How do I make this work?

My Home is Your Heart

Hello little Sailors,

This blog entry covers a topic that some of you were already awaiting. Here are my golden rules for a Long Distance Relationship (LDR):

1. Mean it!

First, if you are considering living in a long distance relationship or you already are, keep in mind that it is really hard. When I say hard I mean so hard that you sometimes feel like you’re falling apart just because of the distance that lies between you and your loved one. You’ll miss them like Hell, but some days are easier than others. Keep in mind you have to be in this 100%. You have to love fully and know that this person is it for you. Absolutely no if’s or but’s here, otherwise it simply won’t work out well.

2. Trust each other and beware of jealousy!

One of the biggest parts of a LDR is trust. You might be hundreds of miles away from each other or you might even live in different time zones. You can’t know for sure what your partner is doing over there and neither can he/she. Your relationship must be built on solid trust. If mistrust or jealousy surrounds you or your partner, you will be more prone to fights and may find yourself in a toxic relationship. This type of relationship causes each other unnecessary suffering and may result in the end of your relationship.

3. Be patient!

This is one of the hardest rules for me, to be honest. I am not the most patient person and a LDR includes a loooot of waiting and being “alone” – apart from your partner. Sometimes it can drive you nuts, but the key is not to pay too much attention to the long gaps of time in between seeing each other. It’s okay to miss each other but don’t get stuck thinking about the time between you and your partner being together. You might not know when you will see each other again, but keep in mind that you can figure it out together!

4. Don’t get stuck on the distance!

Yes, it sucks. Focusing on the distance between each other spreads negativity between you two. You are in this together. So, follow these next rules closely.

5. Fight the distance!

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You should always look out for opportunities to meet each other. Depending on the distance, it can cost a lot of money and effort, but nothing is impossible! When things get more serious, think about where you both would like to live and what your goals for the future are. Once you figure this out, you should begin to plan and research how to achieve these goals together. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Have a plan for the future and make your own light! You really have to work out how to put an end to the distance between. A LDR is difficult to maintain and should be temporary! A LDR is not sustainable for you, your partner, or either of your emotions. If you never see an end to the distance you will both break sooner or later. A LDR without hope is depressing and forlorn; this is not easy to manage.

6. Communicate regularly!

Since you can’t know what’s going on in each other’s lives you should talk regularly. Consistence is very important, so find ways to include each other in your day to day. Whether it is a phone call every night, a FaceTime meet up twice a week, or just regular updates by texting. (This is totally up to you and depends on you and your loved one’s schedules.) You don’t want to grow apart; you want to be a major part of each other’s life! Consistence also helps build up more trust and grows your love for each other. This is vital for any functional, healthy relationship.

7. Do things together!

I know it sounds weird. “How do we do something together? We are miles and miles apart from one another!” Thanks to the internet and smartphones we have plenty of opportunities to do things together. You can play games together on your phone or computer, you can FaceTime and draw together, etc. A lot of people smile about what my fiancé and I do: We watch a movie or a series together! This is how we do it: We both open Netflix and pick a movie we want to watch while we’re on a phone call or FaceTime. After we have everything ready, one of us counts down and we start the movie simultaneously! 😀 It really works! You should try this because it’s a lot of fun and gives you something you can talk about and is an experience that you can easily share together. Examples aside, it is very important to find things you can do and share together even when you’re not in the same place.

8. Surprise each other!

I think this is advice that works for every relationship. Everyone loves a nice, lovely, thoughtful surprise from their loved one. It doesn’t have to be big; a little courtesy is enough. What about a short text to tell your partner that you miss and love them when they don’t expect it? Maybe try something new and write a letter? It is an awesome feeling finding a letter from your partner in your mailbox. Especially nowadays, where we are used to only communicating online. You could send flowers, chocolate or even a little gift box. But, remember romance is not always about material things! Find out what your partner enjoys and makes him/her feel special.

Well, those are a lot of rules and things I believe you should keep in mind. In summary, the most important fact definitely is to stay positive and never lose faith! If you want it, you can make it work! You just need to believe in and support each other. Whatever your story might be, if this feels right to you, hang on to it. On another note, I’d love to hear your stories! Where does your partner live? How do you manage the distance and desire? What are your little rituals? Feel free to comment or write me!

Farewell little sailors and talk to you soon,

Jacqui


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