How to Deal with Jealousy in a LDR

Hello little sailors,

Unfortunately, everyone has to deal with trust issues or jealousy problems at times. No one enjoys feeling like that, but it happens. It can be especially rough in a Long Distance Relationship. You’re miles and miles away from each other and you can never truly know what your partner is doing! Both of you have your own life – apart from each other. That can be very intimidating and scary!

I personally think a little jealousy can be healthy. It shows that you’re passionate for each other. Don’t beat yourself up when you feel like that! It’s natural; you love that person on the other side of the world and don’t want to lose him/her.

Jealousy

Why do I Feel Jealous?

There are many reasons why we get jealous and it is important to understand where those feelings come. However, only you can truly know why you feel this way. Ask yourself why you feel the way you feel:

Is your partner giving you a reason for feeling jealous?

Are you scared of loosing your partner?

Is it coming from insecurity? Maybe self doubt?

Where you in an abusive relationship before? Have you had bad experiences?

Have you been cheated on before and if so, is it really reasonable to feel like that about your new partner now?

You need to understand your emotions, so look where they come from! Understanding yourself can help your partner to understand you.

If you know where these emotions come from it’s time to learn how to deal with them.

How do we know when we’re going to far?

How do we control ourselves and emotions?

How do we deal with those worries and negative feelings, so we don’t end up hurting our beloved partner and our relationship?

So many questions, right? But it’s important to ask yourself that.

Trust

Trust is Key

I already mentioned this in my post, “How to Make a LDR Work”, but it’s one of the most important parts of relationships – no matter if yours is long distance or not!  Most of the time, trust issues and jealousy come from self-doubt, inner fears or bad experiences from prior relationships. You have to trust your partner in order to have a happy, functional relationship! Keep in mind: You can’t control your partner, they are an individual, just as you are.

Trust yourself! Believe in yourself – your partner chose you for a reason! They just might see something in you that you can’t quite see yet. Trust yourself to love deeply and learn to truly accept the love of your partner. Ask yourself:

Am I working against or with my partner right now?

Am I accepting their love or am I fighting this?

Is my mistrust really reasonable or fair?

Fight

Don’t Act on your Feelings

We often tend to act the way we feel; or act in the heat of the moment – I think we all have experience with this.  We can destroy a lot when we’re not thinking before we act. If you catch yourself feeling jealous take a step back! Give yourself a moment – breathe – collect yourself and the overwhelming feelings. Accept that you feel what you feel but don’t immediately act on it!

Most of the time, we will end up hurting our loved ones or our relationship, when we act before thinking. This can be especially dangerous in a LDR. We are miles apart from each other, yet we add more distance with this behavior. Additional to the physical distance, we put an emotional wall between us and our partner. It might cut the precious bond that still connects you in those critical moments.

Talk to Your Partner about your Feelings

Communication is very important! He/She is far away and can’t see how you’re feeling. They can’t give you a hug or kiss when you need it.

Express your feelings softly and maturely to them. When talking to them we open up for them. We give them a chance to understand us and how we feel. We give them the opportunity to prove to us that there is no need to feel jealous. They can help taking away the pain and worries. Eventually, we feel jealous because we are insanely in love with them and we miss them more than anything! Maybe you haven’t had the chance to talk as much as you’d like to, so you end up feeling disconnected and jealous. Let him/her know, they’ll understand and often feel the same way.

You trust your partner but you cannot control your feelings all the time. You’re in this together, so laugh with your partner about it! This can take the pressure off of these conversations. It’s okay to talk and even laugh about it, as long as everything happens in a respectful and kind manner.

Being in a relationship means being vulnerable.

You can get hurt; most of us know how badly heartache and lovesickness can feel. Naturally, we get scared of opening up. However, as already stated, you can’t control everything or everyone. Calm down, try to relax. This person is in a relationship with you even though you’re living in a different place! You’re sitting in the same big boat! It is your choice to love your partner and accept the risks. They are risking as much as you are with this.

Love

I know; it gets rough from time to time, but for the right person it is all worth it. Keep your heads up and fight the distance!

Sidenote: Maybe you are in an unhealthy relationship? Are you dating a toxic person? If you’re worried that might be the case you should check out this video from Matthew Hussey. He is a great dating and relationship advisor and has helped me a lot the past few years.

Thanks for reading and farewell little sailors!

Jacqui


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